I'm afraid this is exactly what you think it is. It's scary how well it holds up after all this time. It's even scarier that I still find it so entertaining.
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October 2007
October 25, 2007
October 16, 2007
Vodka Can Save Your Life
A recent news story has proven a couple of things I've suspected all along. Vodka is a greatly underrated beverage. And it is possible to administer it through a drip.
A tourist, visiting Australia, decided to end it all by drinking something you ought not to drink if you like being alive. In this case it was something like anti-freeze. He ended up in hospital, where, to save his life, they had to put him on an alcohol drip, as alcohol inhibits the effects of the poison. The hospital ran out of the medicinal grade alcohol they usually use in cases like this, and so, went out and bought a case of vodka and hooked the man up to a vodka drip. He received about three standard drinks an hour for three days and made a full recovery. The physician in charge of the case said that the hospital's administrators were very understanding when they explained their reasons for buying a case of vodka. He also said that the man was fortunate he was in a medically-induced coma because that meant he missed the world-class hangover he would've had. I think I'd like this doctor to be my doctor.
There are two conclusions I can draw from this story:
1. It makes me sort of proud to be Australian.
2. That guy was an Absolut drip*.
(*A "drip", in Australian slang, refers to someone who is boring and stupid with no character, but I think the meaning can be expanded to include anyone who is stupid enough to drink anti-freeze.)
If you think I'm making this up, you can verify the story here, or by googling it.
Everything Is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer
In this book there are two interwoven stories told by two narrators. One is told by a character with the same name as the author (I picture this character as the hobbit, Frodo, mostly because Frodo plays him in the movie version of the novel, which is also great). This story covers the weird adventures of the former inhabitants of Trachimbrod, a village in the Ukraine. If this storyline is too weird for you, or even if you skip it entirely, the book should still be read for the other storyline. This is the story of the modern-day search for the village of Trachimbrod, undertaken by the Jonathan Safran Foer character (an American) with the help of Alex, his Ukrainian translator, Alex's grandfather, who is the official driver of the expedition (and who insists he is blind and brings along his "seeing-eye bitch", a dog named Sammy Davis Junior, Junior). This story is narrated by the guide, Alex, who uses English in a magnificent way (I fell in love with him immediately) and, ultimately, tells a very funny and moving tale. If you don't read the book, see the film, as your life will not be complete until you have spent time with Alex.
Obviously, the author must be some kind of genius, especially considering that, in his author photo, he looks as if he'll hit puberty any day now.
Meet Alex and see him dance:
Watch: Vegetarianism in the Ukraine.
See the trailer for the film version of Everything is Illuminated.
Security Breach
APEC 2007 (Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation), which took place in Sydney, didn't get a lot of media coverage in this part of the world, which is probably a good thing. But some parts of it are worth noting and sharing.
For example, here is proof that millions of dollars of security is no match for a bunch of comedians, some big black cars and a small Canadian flag.
See the APEC security breach:
How to Make Monster Wrap
On Sunday, I had to wrap presents for our little nephews and niece, who, luckily for me, are too young to log onto this blog and ruin the surprise. It soon became apparent that even in this city, where you can buy just about anything, kid's wrapping paper is hard to come by. That is, if you don't want trademarked characters (you know, trains named Thomas, builders and kitchen sponges named Bob, plastic-looking women named Barbie) printed on cheap and nasty paper. And, as I'm pretty sure those aged zero to five are not yet ready to appreciate the subtle beauty of handmade, hand-dyed Japanese paper, artfully wrapped around a box without the use of tape, I was left with a roll of brown paper, a pad of construction paper and glue. Taking inspiration from the Doodle Stuffers and the Ugly Dolls, I made my own wrapping paper and, surprisingly, it did not take long, was a lot of fun, and did not make me feel as if I'd been brainwashed by Martha Stewart.
Wafels & Dinges
You heard it here first. There is now a truck in New York City that serves real, freshly made Belgian waffles. Look out for the yellow Wafels & Dinges truck and score yourself a WMD. That's a Wafel of Massive Deliciousness, a Brussels waffle with all the toppings you could want. Don't worry, they make waffles much better than they write English. And if you find the truck soon, you might find it manned by Mr Wafel & Dinges himself. Say hi from me. Actually, I think that's "hoi" to a Belgian, but I'll have to check with Mr Dinges.
On most weekends you can find the truck around 64th and Broadway. On weekdays, it could magically appear anywhere.
To order Liege waffles (the other Belgian waffle) or visit Wafels & Dinges, click here.
Truth & Beauty
No one in the beauty industry ever got rich telling or showing women the truth. Except, maybe, Dove.
Watch Dove Evolution:
And, of course, someone's done a parody.
October 02, 2007
Gino's Italian Ices
It's hot. And I'm sorry I left the Garment District. I'm wearing the wrong shoes, looking for non-existent fabric stores on the Lower East Side. The stores exist on weekdays, but vanish on weekends.
We look for just one more fabric store on East Broadway, and at a point where East Broadway kind of disappears (Broadway is in the habit of appearing and disappearing on me), I see a dodgy little sign in a window, advertising Gino's Italian Ices.
What they are exactly, I'm unsure, but one of Gino's Italian ices, I decide, is just what will counter heat, sore feet, and disappointed dress-fabric hopes. One of Gino's Italian ices is what I want more than anything in this world.
In the little store, which seems to exist for the purpose of deep-frying everything, I order two small, orange Italian ices. The man behind the counter stares at me in a blank way. I repeat the order. They don't have it, he says. I want to cry. I want to make the man walk in my shoes until he finds a fabric store on East Broadway. I want to speak to Gino and have this man fired.
I look around. I see only tubs of normal ice cream. I point at the sign in the window. But it says you have them there on the sign, I say. We don't have orange, the man says, we have these flavors here. I consider this turn of events. I order a lemon ice for me and a coconut ice for Corey. The man extracts them from a machine. How, I cannot see. They come out with rounded tops in little paper cups. I pay the man. A dollar fifty.
I take my little cup outside on the sidewalk, escaping the deep-fried air. It's not ice cream. It's not gelato. It's not sorbet. It's very probably not Italian. It tastes like mushed-up ice mixed with a sweet lemon cordial. It is mushed-up ice mixed with a sweet lemon cordial. My feet don't hurt anymore. It's the best seventy-five cents I can remember spending.
(Somewhere on Grand Street, near the corner of East Broadway.)
Blackle It
Black is the new green. Or rather, Blackle is the black Google. Because it's green. Am I making any sense?
Let me start again. Blackle is the Goth's Own Google. It uses the same search engine, except instead of a white background, it has a black background.
Why? Because Google uses more energy than Blackle. It takes more energy to make a screen white than it does to make a screen black. The thinking goes: everybody and their mother uses Google, so if everyone switched to Blackle, there would be a saving of 750 megawatt-hours a year. I'm pretty sure that if I knew what a megawatt-hour was I'd find that impressive.
I do know that using less energy is better for the world. Though, there seems to be some skepticism about whether or not using Blackle actually does save energy. And a lot of that seems to be coming from Blackle itself. They do a nice save by saying that if you use Blackle anyway, each time you see it, you will be reminded that we can all reduce our energy use in little ways, and that will have a profound effect on the planet.
Apparently, Blackle doesn't have all of Google's functions. And there's only so much reversed-out type (white on black) the human eye can comfortably read (this is something they teach you in art director school, even though they didn't cover those megawatt-hour things). The question then is, if Blackle may not really save energy, why use it? Well, because it's black. And black is cool (that's something else they teach you in art director school). You'll look cooler while you're googling yourself, or, at least, not quite as desperate.
And, you've got to give Blackle points for trying to be green.
