Hello? God? THE God? (I want the one the President speaks to, not the one in charge of oil in the Middle East.)
It's Sydney Welles. Do you remember me? I've been out of touch for a while. And you may have lost track of me because I was in L.A. last time we spoke and I've moved since then.
Recently, I was clearing out my old laptop and I came across the very first email I sent you. You know, back when we were working together. Good times, huh? How's that Catholic campaign working for you?
Look, I know the last time we spoke I kind of implied that I'd never bother you again, but, the thing is, this global warming business doesn't seem to be getting any better. Our governments and large corporations are intent on destroying the only ecosystem that we—and they—can survive in. And yet the pope is still going on about civil unions and contraception and whose church is better and—well, don’t you think you should get him to address THE END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT, and, perhaps, ways in which we can avoid becoming extinct?
I know it only took you a week to throw the universe together, but especially considering it’s only a small planet in a backwater solar system on the edge of nowhere, you did spend a disproportionately large amount of your time and creative energy on the earth. Aren’t you just a little bit mad that some of your creations are destroying your creation—mostly because they’re still fighting over the same bit of oily sand that they’ve been fighting over for thousands of years? Aren’t you just a little bit angry? Where is that legendary wrath we were told about? Aren’t you going to do anything? Can't you smite some of the worst offenders? Or, at least, get the pope to recommend hybrid cars and to support the carbon neutral movement.
Sydney Welles (I used to be the ant in the little cottage on Sunset Avenue in Venice, California, but I am now one of the millions in the giant Manhattan Island ant nest. You can look me up on Google Earth if you feel like it.)